$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
