Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
