remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
