it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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