I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You smell like stripper and shame
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
