Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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