I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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