I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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