you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
