what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
