Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
