I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
