I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
