he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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