True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
