BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
But break dance skills will only take you so far
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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