Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
