What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
