I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
