zippers are such a cool invention
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize