I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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