once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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