I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
