I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
