Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
