gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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