How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
