Everything about him screamed your future.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize