Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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