Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
