proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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