jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
