i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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