it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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