Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
