I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
