I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
its not stalking. its research.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
