Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
