Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
