Jerry, you need to find god
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
