I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
