I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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