Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
