We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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