Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
