You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
