I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize