is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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