That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
