At least make sure they are 18
Why
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
