Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
we should paint friendship bongs
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