i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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