I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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