you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
