made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
