I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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