saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
