Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
