I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize