Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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