god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
