I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Life is so much better after having sex.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
