1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
