Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
