you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
