no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
