You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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