I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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