If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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