my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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