White coat. Heels.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
bring money and cleavage
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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