I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The cops high fived after they tackled you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
