So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
