Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
