I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
