This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
