She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
