it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
