How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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