fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize