so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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