So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
tell me about the fingering
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