I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
