just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
